my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
