Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
