It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
