So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
