but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
