Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
