No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
