My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
