i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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