too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
