I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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