How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i came on her dog
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I want to fling myself into the sun
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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