I will die if light touches me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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