The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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