Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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