i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
50% drunk capacity currently
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
