Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
