the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
