just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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