i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
