She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
