Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
