I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
