your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
