If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Say something about gay babies.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
