I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
