I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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