I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
