So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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