the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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