I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
