Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
