his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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