I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
