this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
