I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
