rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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