CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
