More tranny stories later!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
