hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
