you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
