my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
