Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
