the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
