i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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