Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
