woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
