took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
