In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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