Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
