nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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