Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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