My balls are so social today.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
