Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
