I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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