do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
