Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
