You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
