Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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