i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
