you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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