I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
