apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
