Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
