I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Small penises have feelings too.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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