Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
