I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
