we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
