I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
