His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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