Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
