you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
